Coping With Traumatic Events

Parent Guidelines for Talking with Young Children about War and Terrorism

Before talking to children about war, parents should take time to think about the issue themselves and consider what it means to their family. Each family is unique, with its own special history and past experiences of loss, trauma and war.

Let children know in language they can understand that the decision to go to war was a difficult and very serious one that took a lot of time to decide. Explain that war is intended to keep them safe, to prevent bad things from happening in the future.

Because what we know about the war changes every day, children may have questions on more than one occasion. Issues may need to be discussed more than one time. New events may need clarification for children. Parents should remain flexible and open to new questions and clarifications.

Starting the Conversation

By being open, available and positive, parents can create an environment that supports communication among all members of the family - including conversations about war and terrorism. Finding time to have those conversations isn't hard. One way is to use family times (such as mealtimes) to talk about what is happening in the world. The time between dinner and bedtime is another opportunity. Follow the conversation with a favorite story or music. That way, children can end the day with established routines that ease them into sleep.
By listening to children, parents and other adults in a child's life can help ease their worries and end any misunderstandings they may have.

Tips for Parents

For toddlers and preschool-age children, parents should serve as a "protective shield" against the images of war, particularly those on television. Very young children should not be exposed to the sights and sounds of war.
Be careful about adult television viewing. Even if you are in the room young children should be shielded from images of war, however brief they may be. Try not to leave newspapers or magazines with pictures of war in places where they can be seen by very young children who may not fully understand what they are seeing.
Young children see the world in very simple ways. Your answers to their questions about war should be just as simple and brief. Long answers may confuse young children and lead to increased worries.
Reassure children that the war will not be dangerous to your home or to the neighborhood.
Keep to your everyday routines (at mealtimes, bedtime, etc.).
Don't change family rules such as rules about good behavior and respect.
Be consistent about preschool pick-up times as well as times the family spends together. Separations may be difficult for a child, but keeping to routines can help.
Help younger children make sense of what they hear from older children and siblings about the war. Ask them what they have heard and about any questions they may have.
During these stressful times, give children more attention and patience. Realize that changes in how they behave may be signs that young children are concerned and need extra time, conversation and love.
Be aware of what is being said during adult conversations about current events. Consider if children are present. Young children have "big ears" and may overhear conversations they do not understand that can cause them to worry.
Avoid loud or strong disagreements between adults when young children are present. Arguments about war may be frightening for them.

Keeping Your Children and Family Strong in the Face of War

Parents should extra time with their children and "stay connected." A little extra support may go a long way to helping them feel more secure and safe. Be sure to tell children they are loved.
Parents and other caregivers should provide support for each other during this time.
Parents may want to let their children know how they feel about war and what is happening in the world. It can help children to talk about their own feelings as well.
Children may be worried about safety. At home, calmly revisit emergency plans and preparation (similar to what you do with fire and weather plans). This can help children feel safer and secure that parents have all situations under control. Parents should also develop back-up plans with relatives or friends to help with separation and reunification.
Help children help take care of themselves by encouraging them to get appropriate rest, exercise, and diet. Be sure there is a balance of quiet and more physical activities. Be aware of any changes in children's sleep or eating habits that might suggest they are frightened or worried.
Parents can help children take constructive steps to reach out or strengthen existing connections to their community. Many families will want to reinforce their family, community and religious supports during this time. This can help not only the young child but also the entire family.

This document was developed for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) under grant number U79SM54284.

Updated 04/03