For members of the Reserve Components, each year while at annual training, their battalion will receive several official messages from the American Red Cross, telling the unit’s leadership that a medical emergency involving a soldier’s family has occurred. The leaders of that unit have the responsibility to notify the soldier and help him do what is necessary to respond to the message. As a battalion chaplain, I have seen leaders do well with Red Cross messages, and I have seen leaders handle them poorly. In this article, I offer leaders some advice on how not to mismanage these situations. I will use the acrostic TWICE, because we never get a second chance to help a soldier in need so much as when he is receiving some distressing news of death or serious illness in his family. The following are the five steps of delivering an American Red Cross message: TIMING — Choose the time that you will approach the soldier with the bad news. This is the duty and responsibility of a good leader. Usually the sooner the better, but I have seen situations where it is best to let a soldier complete a short phase of training before letting him know his family has a problem. Approach the soldier after taking the hill or completing a run for a Tank Table. I also have seen situations where it seemed that everyone else in the unit knew of the problem before the soldier involved knew because of a cellular phone. The principle is to tell the soldier as soon as possible when he can so something about the message. As a small unit leader, have a transportation plan arranged, have someone take the soldier’s place on the range so he does not feel he is letting his friends down if he has to leave, and be ready to stow his weapon and other gear properly before he moves out. WORDS — The words we speak to the soldier are very important, so think about what you will say on your trip over to find the soldier. Begin by looking the soldier in the eyes and telling him exactly what was delivered from the Red Cross — no more, because you would be guessing, and no less, because he has a right to know all the facts. Gone are the days when even doctors hide medical information from those who need to know. Stop talking immediately after you have told the soldier what you know about the message. Let the information sink in. After you have waited, the soldier may break down or sit quietly for a moment. Next express your sympathy. This can simply be to say, "I’m sorry." You also might ask about the situation, "Had your father been ill?" You do not have to say a lot, nor do you need to express how you felt in a similar situation — this is not about you, but about him. Finally, tell your soldier how you have planned to help him respond to the message. "SGT Green is ready to take you to the rear in the CO’s vehicle and you can leave your weapon and gear with me." This is a chance to show your soldier that you really care about him more than a "body" to fill a slot. All soldiers have families. You will not find a better occasion to be a caring leader, neither do you have a second chance with a Red Cross message, so think before you go, and get it right. INDIVIDUAL — Every Red Cross message is unique and every soldier is unique. Do not expect all soldiers to react to bad news in a way you think is appropriate. The path of grief is very individual. Most will react in shock or disbelief at first. Shock will look like nothing really is happening inside, or it may even cause fainting. Disbelief causes a person to think he must be dreaming. I saw a soldier jam his fist against a tank when he was notified that his father had died. Another time a soldier just took off running and fell into tears. I have seen them act like it was no news at all. The key is to let grief happen. CHAPLAIN — All units have assigned chaplains . They are soldiers trained to help people in grief. Use their experience and have your chaplain accompany you to notify the soldier. The chaplain does not do the notification; that is the duty of the leader. But the chaplain can give you advice, help console a soldier and even provide transportation to the rear. He is the expert; work with him. EVALUATE — After you get back from delivering a Red Cross message, do some reflecting on how you could have done it better. Also follow up on the incident. Be sure your supervisor knows what happened and find out how the soldier is doing later on. You never get a second chance to deliver a Red Cross message, you cannot do it twice, but your job as a caring leader is to do it TWICE. Chaplain (MAJ) Mark Browne serves as the chaplain for the 2/116 CAV in Twin Falls, ID. |
