Teen life, with its fads, crushes, clashes, and breakups, seems to be a world
away from abusive relationships. Yet, there’s a dark side to all of the
social drama. Many teens go through the same types of abuse—sexual, physical,
and emotional—that we know some adults go through.
Dating violence often involves sex. More than one in four female college students
say they have suffered rape or attempted rape at least once since age 14. At
a large college, more than half of the women surveyed noted some type of unwanted
sex, most often from their dates.1
Such violence can start at an early age. About 1 in 12 eighth and ninth graders
suffered sexual violence in dating.2
Still, dating violence is common outside of sexual situations. Studies show
that more than one in five high school students and almost one in three college
students have been victims of dating violence that did not involve sex. In
a study of eighth and ninth graders, one in four reported nonsexual violence
in dating.3
Most victims of physical dating violence are females. Seven in 10 pregnant
teens report abuse by their partners.4 Although female high school and college
students are just as likely as male students to inflict dating violence, females
most often do it to defend themselves.5
Abuse in dating isn’t just about hurting a partner physically. Bullying,
for example, is a form of emotional abuse. Many young people face other types
of emotional abuse in the form of—
Name calling
Blame
Threats
Envy
Anger
Attempts to control a partner’s dress, activities, and
friendships.6
Teens may be confused by a boyfriend or girlfriend who abuses
them and may not know how to deal with a dating partner’s mind games.
Threats and rage may be followed by vows of love and pleas for forgiveness.
Teens may be afraid to break up with their partners out of fear that their
partner will hurt them or will harm himself or herself. A teen may want to
be there to help a boyfriend or girlfriend, may hope that things will get better,
or simply may not realize what can happen. Over time, violence can escalate
and teen victims may mistakenly begin to believe that they deserve the abuse.
If you have a teen who is dating, be alert for signs of abuse, both physical
and emotional. Outward signs include:
Having bruises and injuries
Changing the way they look or dress
Dropping old friends
Giving up things they care about.
New friends as well as changes in attitudes, styles, hobbies, and school activities
are common in young people. Still, they can be clues that a teen is being controlled
by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Emotional abuse is harder to see than physical abuse, since it happens over
time and can take several forms. A young person suffering emotional abuse may
become insecure, destructive, angry, or withdrawn. He may abuse alcohol or
drugs and may even become suicidal.
If you believe that your child is being abused, talk to her. Ask questions,
set limits, and offer advice. She may find it hard to talk about stress in
her dating life. So, don’t show anger or push so hard that the she pulls
away. Instead, let her know that you respect her views and are there for her.
Tell her that you care about her and want her to be safe.
If you believe that your child is abusing his dating partner, confront him
about it, and seek expert help.
*We refer to a child as “him” in some places and “her” in
others. We do this for easier reading. All information applies to both boys
and girls unless otherwise specified.
