You've always dropped off your 1-year-old child at day care without a problem - until today. She's anxious and distressed, she's clinging to you for dear life, and she's making it clear she doesn't want you to leave. She resists the teachers' attempts to calm her and seems to want nothing to do with the other kids. All she wants is you, and she screams and cries every time you try to walk out the door. Finally, you make one last attempt to comfort her and head to the car, feeling guilty, upset, and confused. And the same scenario plays out every day for the entire week.

Sound familiar? If so, then your toddler is experiencing separation anxiety, a normal phase of childhood development. But even though it's perfectly normal, it can be extremely unsettling for parents. Understanding what your child is going through and having a few coping strategies in mind can go a long way toward helping both of you get through it.

What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is just one of the many different stages of behavioral growth your child will go through, and it affects most babies and toddlers at some point in their young lives. During this stage, a child does not want to be separated from her parent and she experiences intense distress whenever her mom or dad tries to leave her with someone else.

Separation anxiety usually begins between the ages of 8 months and 1 year and peaks between the ages of 1 and 2. However, the timing can vary widely from child to child. Some children may experience it later, around 3 or 4 years of age. Some may never experience it. And for others, there are certain life stresses that can trigger feelings of separation anxiety: a new child care situation or caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home.

How It Develops
When your baby was first born, you likely noticed that she adapted pretty well to other caregivers. This is typical for most infants. You probably felt more separation anxiety than she did when you first left her with a relative, babysitter, or a day care provider! As long as their needs are being met, babies younger than 8 months typically adjust well to other people.

Around 8 months to 1 year - sometimes sooner, sometimes later - this starts to change. Your baby may seem anxious around unfamiliar people and situations, and she may not want to let you out of her sight. This behavior is known as stranger anxiety. Actually this is a good sign, because your baby is starting to tell the difference between familiar and unfamiliar people.

Between 1 year and 2 years, your child is growing into a more independent toddler - yet she is even more uncertain about being separated from you. This is when separation anxiety typically develops, and your child may become agitated and upset whenever you try to leave her. Whether you need to go into the next room for just a few seconds, leave your child with a sitter for the evening, or drop her off at day care, you may find that she cries, clings to you, and resists attention from others.

Developmentally, your child is beginning to understand the concept of object permanence - that is, that there's only one of you, and when she can't see you, that means you've gone away. However, she doesn't yet understand the concept of time, and she doesn't know if or when you'll come back. So whether you're in the kitchen, in the next bedroom, or at the office, it's all the same to your toddler. You've disappeared. She'll do whatever she can to prevent this from happening.

And she does understand the effect her behavior has on you. If you come running back into the room every time she cries, and then stay with her longer or cancel your plans completely, she'll keep using this strategy to avoid separation.

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