You are a parent. You have lived through 2 AM feedings, toddler temper tantrums, and the but-I-don't-want-to-go-to-school-today blues. So why is it the word "adolescence" can strike terror into your heart?

"As a society, I think we see puberty and adolescence as a dark, menacing, medieval period in our child's life," says Mary Soha, MD, a pediatrician in Jacksonville, Florida. "It doesn't have to be that way. Puberty can be a beautiful, creative, wonderful time for kids and parents, if handled properly." Read on for some ideas for getting through it.

Puberty and Adolescence
First, let's make a (somewhat artificial) distinction between puberty and adolescence. Most of us think of puberty as the development of adult sexual characteristics: breasts, menstrual periods, pubic hair, facial hair. These are certainly the most visible signs of impending adulthood, but children between the ages of 10 and 14 (or even younger) can also be going through a bunch of changes that aren't readily seen from the outside. These are the changes of adolescence. Kids this age are becoming more aware of how others, especially their peers, see them. They are beginning to separate from Mom and Dad, beginning to become more independent.

Adolescents start to think more abstractly and rationally. They are forming their moral code. "We tend to talk about all the negatives of adolescence, but the positive things that are happening are incredible. The brain and emotional growth are astounding. This is where the parent has to be involved, on the more positive side," Dr. Soha says.

When Does Adolescence Begin?
What a bunch of individualists adolescents are! There are early bloomers, late arrivals, speedy developers, slow-but-steady growers. The message to send your kid is: everybody's different. There is a wide range of normal.

By age 10, or even earlier, some kids begin to show behavioral changes that sometimes mark the beginning of adolescence. Many announce the onset of adolescence with a dramatic change in behavior around their parents. One mother remembers it like this: "Shira would always come home from school and sit around with me for a while, drinking milk and talking about the day. Then one afternoon, when she was about 11, I think . . . wham! She walked in the house and went right to her room and closed the door. I knew that was it."

Shira says she was looking for some private time and avoiding conflict with her mom. "I knew if I went right into my room, the fight that would have been, wouldn't be."