Expectant parents spend months preparing for the arrival of their baby. By
the time they bring their new little family member home, they have taken
classes, read a library's worth of books, and bought enough onesies to fill an
entire dresser. But even with all the preparation, the reality of caring for a
baby can be overwhelming. When your household grows from two to three, your
relationship with your partner is bound to change.
The best way to deal with those changes is to be ready for them. So read on
and get a handle on what to expect when you have your baby.
And Baby Makes Three
Before, you were a couple. Now, you're
(take a deep breath here) parents. How will your day-to-day life change? To
start with the obvious, you probably will not get enough sleep in the early
months of your baby's life. At first she may only sleep for a few hours
at a time, and when she's up, you're up. The resulting sleep deprivation can
make you irritable and turn tasks like household work and errands into difficult
chores because you have less energy and are not able to concentrate as well. You
will also find that you have less time for work (whether at home or at a job),
for yourself, and for your partner.
A baby can also rock the boat by stirring up surprising feelings of jealousy.
Sometimes new dads get jealous of the baby because she's taking up so much of
his partner's time. Dad may feel like he's become a third wheel in the family.
Or maybe he's jealous that he doesn't get to spend as much time with the baby or
do as much of the parenting. These feelings are completely normal when the
structure of a family changes so drastically.
Moms have their own challenges to confront. Pregnancy temporarily robs them
of the bodies they are used to; a couple of extra pounds and dark circles under
the eyes from late-night feedings can make a
woman feel self-conscious and less attractive to her partner. Some moms also
find it difficult to reconcile the image of a mother with that of a sexual
woman, so they may be less interested in intimacy.
The changes brought by a baby reach beyond your immediate family as well.
Suddenly, relatives, and even acquaintances, have endless stories and advice for
you about child rearing. Family members may drop by unexpectedly or schedule
regular visits to see your baby. Just when you have more to do than you think
you can handle, all these extra people decide to stick around for dinner.
Although you know they just want the best for the baby, their constant presence
can make you feel even less in control of your own life and household.
Even without all the outside parenting advice, you and your partner may
realize you have different approaches to parenting - one of you may be more
inclined to pick up the baby whenever she cries while the
other lets her cry for a while, for instance. And trouble spots in a
relationship, such as who does more work around the house, can get worse if new
parents do not sit down and talk about what's bothering them.
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