Explaining Long-Term Illness
Experts once believed that the less a sick child knew about his medical condition, the better. But this protective posture is no longer the norm.

"Honest communication is the most important element in helping a child adjust to a long-term medical condition," says Donna Copeland, PhD. "Children should know that they have a serious illness and that they will have lots of medicine, but that the end goal is to get them well."

Communicating medical information clearly and honestly to your child means addressing his needs in an age-appropriate manner. "Even the smallest baby can be reasssured," Dr. Copeland notes. "An extra calming touch or soothing tone of voice lets the child know you're there."

When dealing with an older, verbal child, you should use correct medical terminology. The aim is not to frighten your child, but to give him the words to communicate information and concerns to medical professionals and others. "The words 'malignant' or 'cancer' don't have the same implications for a 3-year-old child that they do for adults," says Dale Perkel, an oncology social worker.

To maintain your child's trust, treatments and their possible discomfort also should be accurately explained to sick children. "Don't say, 'This won't hurt,'" Perkel advises if the procedure is likely to be painful. Instead, tell your child that a procedure may cause some discomfort, but then reassure him that you'll be there to support him.

Although some parents may prefer to discuss the medical facts with their child alone, others invite a doctor to answer specific questions a child may have about treatment or care issues. Many hospitals offer parents the choice of talking to their child about a long-term diagnosis alone, addressing the child with the doctor present, or including the entire medical team made up of doctors, social workers, and nurses. Perkel prefers the team approach, which allows the child to see that everyone (including his parents) is working together and that he can ask questions and get immediate and accurate answers.

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