In a house with more than one kid, there are bound to be
some problems. Brothers and sisters borrow stuff, and don't always return it in
top condition. Younger kids sometimes feel like the older kids get to do
whatever they want. Older brothers and sisters think that the baby of the family
gets more attention. These are typical problems found throughout the ages,
everywhere in the world.
When brothers and sisters don't get along, it's called
sibling rivalry (say: sih-bling
rye-vul-ree). A sibling is a brother or sister and rivalry
means competition. It's normal, but too much competition can make for an unhappy
home life. Let's talk about getting along with brothers and sisters. They're not
so bad, are they?
What Is Sibling
Rivalry?
A
little competition isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it can keep you working hard -
like when you and your brother spend time shooting hoops. If he's good at it, it
may make you want to improve, too. But some sibling rivalry involves arguing,
like when you think your brother is hogging the ball. People who love each other
might argue sometimes, but too much fighting is unpleasant for
everyone.
The Green-Eyed
Monster Have you ever heard of the green-eyed monster called jealousy? Sometimes
brothers and sisters are jealous of one another. For instance, if your sister
always does well at school, it may be frustrating for you, especially if your
grades are lower.
Although you're probably proud of your sibling or
siblings, it's normal to be a little jealous, too. It may make you feel
better to focus more on doing your own personal best, rather than comparing
yourself to a brother or sister.
All kids want attention from their parents, but sometimes
you need to take turns. If you're feeling ignored or like your sibling is always
in the spotlight, talk to your mom or dad. If a parent knows you're feeling left
out, together you can figure out ways to help you feel better again.
Don't Lose Your
Cool Sometimes
when you're jealous and frustrated, it's easy to lose your temper. Try to follow these
tips to avoid getting into a fight with your brother or sister:
- Take a deep breath and think a bit. Try to figure out
if you are angry with the person or just frustrated with the situation.
- Remind yourself that you have special talents. Your
sister may have won an art contest, but you might be better at basketball, or
math, or singing. Eight-year-old Marisa says her brother "always wins running
races, but I always get gold stars for good homework grades and that makes me
feel better."
- Try to congratulate your siblings on their achievements
and share their happiness. If you do this for them, they'll be more likely to
do it for you.
How To Stop
Fighting If the situation gets out of control and you and
your brother or sister start fighting a lot, you may need to talk to someone.
Mean words can lead to hitting and physical fighting. If this is going on with
you and your sibling, talk to a parent or another trusted adult. You and your
sibling might be able to patch things up by talking to a professional, like a
psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or social worker, who understands your rivalry
problems.
This can really make a difference, according to one family
therapist who said, "Sometimes just talking about the problem is the biggest
step in solving it. Your parent may not realize how you feel and once he or she
knows, positive changes can be made to make you feel included in the family life
again."
Future
Friends It may
be hard to believe now, but your brother or sister may turn out to be your
best friend someday. Many brothers and sisters fight and compete with each
other while growing up but become very close when they get older. As you grow
up, your friends might change, but your family is your family forever.
Reviewed by: Kevin J. Took, MD Date reviewed:
July 2004
|