Emily was crying by the time the softball game ended. It wasn't because her
team had lost. It wasn't because she was unhappy about her own playing. It
wasn't even because of anything the other team had said or done. Emily's tears
came after her dad yelled at her - in front of all her teammates - for missing
the fly ball that could have saved the game. Emily was just 8 years
old.
What Is Good Sportsmanship?
If your child has ever participated
in a sport, you've
undoubtedly met people like Emily's dad. These parents get so wrapped up in
winning and losing or in how well their own child performs that they lose sight
of what's really important. They forget that one of the most important goals of
kids' sports is helping children develop a sense of good sportsmanship.
Kids practice good sportsmanship when they treat their teammates, opponents,
coaches, and officials with respect. They learn the basics of sportsmanship from
the adults in their lives, especially their parents and their coaches. Kids who
see adults behaving in a sportsmanlike way gradually come to understand that the
real winners in sports and in life itself are those who know how to persevere
and to behave with dignity - whether they win or lose a game.
Parents can help their kids understand that good sportsmanship includes both
small gestures and heroic efforts. It starts with something as simple as shaking
hands with opponents before a game. It includes acknowledging good plays made by
others and accepting even bad calls gracefully. Displaying good sportsmanship
isn't always easy: it can be tough to congratulate the opposing team after
losing a close or important game. But the kids who learn how to do it will
benefit in many ways.
A child who bullies or
taunts others on the playing field isn't likely to change her behavior when
she's in the classroom or in social situations. In the same way, a child who
practices good sportsmanship is likely to carry the respect and appreciation of
other people into every other aspect of her life.
Good Sports Are Winners
Ask a first or second-grader who won a
game, and she may answer, "I think it was a tie." It's likely the question isn't
of any real interest to her. She wants to tell you about the hit she got or the
catch she almost made. But as they move into older and more competitive leagues,
kids become more focused on winning. They forget to have fun. Without constant
reminders and good examples, they may also forget what behavior is appropriate
before, during, and after a sporting event.
If a child has a coach who cares only about being in first place and says
that anything goes as long as they win, she picks up the message that it's OK to
be ruthless on the field. If parents are constantly pressuring them to play
better, or second guessing every move they've made, children get the message
that they're only as good as their last good play - and they'll try any method
of achieving one.
Adults who emphasize good sportsmanship, however, see winning as just one of
several goals they'd like their kids to achieve. They help young athletes take
pride in their accomplishments and in their improving skills, so that the kids
see themselves as winners, even if the scoreboard doesn't show the numbers going
in their favor.
The best coaches - and parents - encourage their kids to play fair, to have
fun, and to concentrate on helping the team while polishing their own
skills.
Help Your Child to Be a Good Sport
Remember the saying,
"Actions speak louder than words"? That's especially true when it comes to
teaching your kids the basics of good sportsmanship. Your behavior during
practices and games will influence them more than any pep talk or lecture you
give them.
Here are some suggestions on how to build sportsmanship in your child:
- Unless you're coaching your child's team, you need to remember that you're
the parent, not the coach. Shout words of encouragement, not directions, from
the sidelines (there is a difference!).
- If you are your kid's coach, don't expect too much out of your own child.
Don't be harder on him than on anyone else on the team, but don't play
favorites either.
- Keep your comments positive. Don't badmouth coaches, players, or game
officials. If you have a serious concern about the way that games or practices
are being conducted, or if you're upset about other parents' behavior, discuss
it privately with your child's coach or with a league official.
- Applaud good plays no matter who makes them.
- Set a good example with your courteous behavior towards the parents of
kids on the other team. Congratulate them when their kids win.
- Remember that it's your child, not you, who is playing. Don't push your
kid into a sport because it's what you enjoyed. As your child gets older, let
her choose the sport she wants to play, and let her decide the level of
commitment she wants to make to it.
- Keep your perspective. It's just a game. Even if your child's team loses
every game of the season it's unlikely to ruin her life, or her chances of
success.
- Look for examples of good sportsmanship in professional athletes and point
them out to your kids. Talk about the bad examples, too, and why they upset
you.
- Finally, don't forget to have fun. Even if your child isn't the star,
enjoy the game while you're thinking of all the benefits she's gaining - new
skills, new friends, and attitudes that can help her all through life.
Reviewed by: Kim Rutherford, MD Date
reviewed: July 2002
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