Sleep Issues: 2-3 Year Olds

Between ages two and three your child may sleep from nine to thirteen hours a day. Most toddlers take a two- to three-hour nap around lunchtime, but some continue to take two shorter naps instead. Others give up napping entirely during this period. Unless he routinely becomes irritable and overtired from lack of sleep, there's no reason to force a nap schedule on your child.

At bedtime your toddler may become downright rigid about his going- to-sleep ritual. He now knows that at a certain time each day he changes into his nightclothes, brushes his teeth, listens to a story, and takes his favorite blanket, doll, or stuffed animal to bed. If you change this routine, he may complain or even have trouble going to sleep.

However, even with a completely predictable bedtime routine, some children between the ages of two and three resist going to sleep. If they're still in a crib, they may cry when left alone or even climb out to look for Mom and Dad. If they've graduated to a bed, they may get up again and again, insisting that they're not tired (even when they're clearly exhausted) or asking to join in whatever else is going on in the household. Part of this pattern is due to the typical negativism of this age--that is, the refusal to do anything Mom and Dad want them to do--and part is due to lingering separation anxiety. Despite their insistence on independence, they still feel uneasy when Mom or Dad is out of their sight--especially if they're left alone in the dark.

To give a child like this a feeling of control, let him make as many of the choices as possible at bedtime--for example, which pajamas to wear, what story he wants to hear, and which stuffed animals to take to bed. Also, leave a night-light on (he may even be more comfortable with the room light on), and let him sleep with his security objects to help take the edge off his separation anxiety. If he still cries after you leave, give him ten minutes or so to stop on his own before you go in to settle him down again; then leave for another ten minutes, and repeat the process. Don't scold or punish him, but also don't reward his behavior by feeding or staying with him.

For some children, this bedtime battle is actually an attempt to attract attention. If your toddler climbs out of bed night after night and comes looking for you, immediately return him to bed and tell him: "It's time to go to sleep." Don't reprimand or talk to him any further, and leave as soon as he's lying down again. He'll probably push you to your limits, getting up over and over for many nights in a row; but if you keep calm and remain consistent, he'll eventually realize he has nothing to gain by fighting you, and he'll start going to sleep more willingly.

Occasionally, your child may wake up from a nightmare. Bad dreams are common among toddlers, who still cannot distinguish between imagination and reality. Often if they hear a scary story or see violence on television, the images will stay in their minds, later cropping up as nightmares. And if they remember dreaming about a "monster," they may believe the monster is real.

When a nightmare awakens your toddler, the best response is to hold and comfort him. Let him tell you about the dream if he can, and stay with him until he's calm enough to fall asleep.

Your child will have nightmares more frequently when he's anxious or under stress, so try to keep the tension in his life to a reasonable level. If he has bad dreams often, see if you can determine what's worrying him in order to ease his anxiety. For example, if he's having nightmares during the period when he's being toilet trained, relax the pressure to use the potty and give him more opportunities to be messy through fingerpainting or playing with his food. Also try talking with him (to the extent he can) about issues that might be bothering him. Some of his anxieties may involve his separation from you, time spent in day care, or changes at home. Talking can sometimes help prevent these stressful feelings from building up.

As a general precaution against nightmares, carefully select television programs for your toddler, and don't allow him to watch TV right before bed. Even programs you consider innocent may contain images that are frightening to him. During the rest of the day, restrict his viewing to educational or nature programs geared to his age level. And don't let him watch violent programs of any kind, including cartoons.

At bedtime, put your toddler in a good frame of mind for sleep by playing quietly with him or by reading him a pleasant story. Soothing music may also help calm him as he falls asleep, and a night-light will help reassure him if he wakes up.

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